Tell us your story!

No matter what your political stripe, chances are you've been shot by Dick Cheney. Often, people find they are embarassed to tell others about their victimization at the Vice President's rock-steady hands. But here at DickCheneyShotMeToo.com, we understand that telling your story is the only way you will fully heal (after the surgery, that is).

In our experience, being shot by Dick Cheney and your subsequent recovery is a six-stage process:

1. You bend over to retrieve something while Dick cocks his gun.

2. Dick sees his prey and fires.

3. You wake up in a hospital riddled with bullet wounds, but you can't feel them because so much morphine is pumping through your veins that your only sensation is that of being a fat balloon filled with warm water. It doesn't seem that bad at first.

4. The morphine drip recedes and shame takes its place. Guilt overwhelms you. You feel an urge to publically apologize to Dick Cheney, even though he's the one who pulled the trigger.

5. You consider selling your story to the mainstream media, but they've already covered a Cheney shooting last week, so then you desperately go to a tabloid, but they're too busy with the latest Olsen twins scandal, and so you grasp for a sympathetic blog in a dark, moist corner of the web...

6. ...And here you are! Congratulations on your recovery. We know what you went through. We've all been Shot By Dick Cheney Too!